Wednesday, September 1, 2010

She's a beauty
She's intelligent
And through her king's reign
Understanding is her best friend
She goes through the streets yelling our name
She speaks truth always
She runs with Prudence
And she despises arrogance and ill-gotten gain

She's a treasure that can't be bought with a price.
But if you heed her she'll save your life

She is WISDOM.
The Lord brought her forth before the beginning and she will remain
She delights in sharing her insight and she desire for you to mature.
But if you refuse her, you will live a aimless life and die in the arms of the deceiver for sure.

Poem by Jennifer McCormick
September 1, 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Fallen on the battlefield

I wish rain would fall on this desert heart of mine. I feel FEAR, always fear. This battle has been long. My feet are infected, deformed, and tired. My weapon is jammed and I'm hot and parched with no water. My back is bowed and my mind holds no sense of clarity.
One shot, two shots, three!...a mortar round and a sniper! It's a hit, I'm bleeding. I'm not fit for combat, I need a medic. I'm a sister in arms fallen on the battle field, but no bother or sister can hear me screaming through the ringing gun fire and explosives landing in their own tents and trenches. I can even see some doing hand to hand combat with the enemy. Looks like some were prepared, but the enemy has others in a choke hold.

Its fogy this battle field. You can count every second and it feels like years.
"Come on Jennifer remember your training! Get up! Fight!" But you can talk to yourself all day long, but your bodies in shock from the wounds you've received. Infection has set in and it has traveled to the heart.

HOPE! "Hope, why do I feel hope? Where is it coming from and why now?" And then I realized, "Hope comes from revelation. Revelation of the truth! The truth for me tonight laying on the battle field gasping for air and bleeding to death, was that PRIDE came and so did my fall.

I hate it! I can't seem to get rid of it, but I can always find plenty of time to feed it. It's a beast. I want to be the god of my own life, and I spit at God and tell HIM to move on with HIS request.
I am what I hate in everyone else. I am a hypocrite, lying, backstabbing, two faced, whore of a bride to Christ. I am the WHORE.

Lord? Lord? Can you and will you please take my black hard heart and make something of it? Can you take these wounds and bind them up. Can you teach me how to put on your armor? I'm so sorry and my grieving heart can barely put it into a request for forgiveness. I need your touch, your grace, your mercy. I'm the tax collector standing outside the temple scared to even raise my eyes toward heaven and all I can do is beat my chest and beg for mercy. I've got bloody hands and filthy rags. I have squandered my inheritance. I want to come home Abba Father. Let me feel your touch. Replace fear with peace and assurance. I need discipline and obedience training. I need rest as well. I'm tired of being tired. Oh please Lord let tonight be the night of my return. For you are the only God and I give you my life as a living sacrifice once again. Speak Lord, speak loud and clear.

Your Prodigal Daughter, Your Whore of a Bride.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Delayed Obedience is Disobedience

I do not know what to say really. I'm humbled, broken, and I have repented.

Several months ago God laid it on my heart to write a letter to my mom's first cousin.
Well, I wrote that letter...but I never sent it...and last night Bobby died.
At first when I read back over my letter it put me in so much pain I could barely breath. But after reading it a few times I felt comforted by the words that I was suppose to give to Bobby (because they were the words of the Lord). And maybe even though I was disobedient, God in His sufficiency, told those words to Bobby himself. I do not know. All, I know is that I was disobedient to God and now there is NO more do overs.
My point is this: If the Lord has called you to an assignment and you are JUST procrastinating...its still disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience!
Lord, please quicken us to be diligent and steadfast with any assignment we get from you!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

No more sign seeking

I have sought God today over a many different areas of life. I heard no answer while in prayer but I began listening to Matt Chandlers sermons on Luke from 2007. I first listened to "Skeptics Welcome" while I cleaned my house. When it was over I went to session 2 and did not bother to read the title of the sermon. I had sat down to eat some lunch and was reading along in my Bible when I realized God was speaking to me about one of the subjects I had offered up to Him in prayer.
The sermon is "A Righteous Response to Absurd Promises".
For those who do not know God has promised me a son. He has told me his name and has given me conformation through sources who had no idea what God had promised. His name is to be called Nathan. I have no time line for this promise and the way my reproductive organs are acting I would say not having a baby looks more like reality then God's promise. So in my human nature I beg God for more signs, I question the conformation I have received, and I bitterly shake my fist at God and demand an answer about the timeline for when my promise shall come. But to no avail.
So, today while in prayer for a many things I also included Nathan. When this sermon began I felt no awareness of God's plan to answer any questions that had to do with my prayers. I was only excited to learn something new of God. But when Matt began breaking down the story of Zechariah God quickened me and I realized He was about to speak to me about the promise of Nathan through the sermon. (Luke 1:5-37)
Unfortunately, I realized that my response to God's promise to me was too much like Zechariah's response. And so when the sermon got to the story of Mary and her promise to bare the Christ I listened as God gave me instructions for my promise for Nathan.
Verse 26-37 In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. the virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."
"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God".
God revealed to me that like Zechariah I question God in a manner that said "Prove it, I need more then what your giving me to believe that what you have said is real!" And like Zechariah God disciplined me in that. Today though, God said, "Jennifer, believe the signs I have already given you. Trust me!" He also showed me something I have never really thought about prior to today. Whenever God speaks before hand about a child He is going to give/lend to someone, He almost always gives instructions on what to name the child. So, that truth was even more proof for me that there is a day coming when God, for His name sake and His glory, will lend me His child whom He has named Nathan so I might have the privilege to equip and train for the advancing of God's kingdom. I am so humbled and very sorry for begging God to prove Himself and demanding Him the give me MY son, for MY emotional need, and for MY timing. I realize now that is why I do not have the son already because there had to be a lessened learned about why I am getting this son and for what purpose he will be on loan to me. So now that it's God's son I'm waiting on to be lent to me for God's purpose, timing, and Glory, I will prepare my body with vitamins, pray diligently, and rest in peace! (Even though I'm sure that this revelations will not stifle all attempts of my flesh to rise up in the future, but at least now I have a weapon to combat my flesh when that moment comes.)
And so like Mary I say, "Let it be unto me Lord as you have said."

Women on the Train

Some of you might be curious of why I named my blogspot "Women on the Train". Unfortunately, it is not clear to me yet why. While I was brainstorming name ideas somewhere out of left field the Holy Spirit gave me the name Women on the Train. I feel as though identity was given to me in that title. I'm not sure what it all means but I am excited to watch it unveil.

So while we wait with great expectation for the revealing of this great mystery I will blog.

I am somewhat in a desert place. My mouth is parched and my body is skin and bones. I have never navigated such a vast desert before and I am somewhat desperate for this season to be over. I seem to be coming upon my moutain top experience but it is still a far ways off. But to get me there God has sent hope in my despair. This hope gives me fresh wind to finish this chapter well. This fresh wind has come in the form of a redeemed, revitalized, and Holy Spirit saturated relationship with my sister (Ashley) and sister in law (Paige). I am most excited because I seem to travel greater distances with them on either side of me. However, that is not the end of God's grace to me in such a difficult chapter of my life because on the horizan is another women of God I wait to lean on in this journey. Brittney will provide another source of strength and another tool for navigation out here in this scortching sun and sand. Already though because of these women I feel like I could run a marthon. Already I feel like they are bringing health and life to my bones and water to refresh my soul. Oh, and they know, and I know that it is not them per say but the power of Christ and his redemption living through them. Praise you Father for your rescuing hand. Thank you for helping end this season with healing and restoration and strength. To you KING be ALL the GLORY from our lives. Drain our bodies for YOUR GLORY. And praise you that as you drain us we feel filled!!!! Your ways our not ours. Praise Him!!!